and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
