if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
