I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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