Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
