Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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