Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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