i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize