if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
