did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
