If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
