so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Did I show you my penis last night?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
