Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
