tell your sister to shave her snatch
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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