Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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