you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
