Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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