I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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