it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
