I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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