I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize