Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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