I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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