everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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