I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
