I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
