I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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