Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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