woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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