I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
