i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize