If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
