I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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