we made out on top of his cat.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
