She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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