My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
