i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
