My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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