im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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