how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize