your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
