If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
