How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
