i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize