I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
