Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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