i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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