Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We left an ass print on the piano.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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