Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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