She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
