There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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