It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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