the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
