the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
