I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
