tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
