he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
