That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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