im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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