Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
