If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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