I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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