whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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