You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
