guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
