She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
