I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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