the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize