I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
sarcasm needs its own font
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
