Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
