just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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