I want to make a zoo with you.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
