Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
