Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
