apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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