shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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