god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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