I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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