if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
