He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
