I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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