I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize