And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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