I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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