Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Randomize
