He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
