i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
